Pan, is that you?

Dood, that comment has to be one of the strangest things ever.

First of all, it is the first.

And then the fact that it starts with "Well..."

"Well..that was a nice post. I liked it."

What?!

...the hair is standing up on my neck.

And anyways....a comment for that post??

Top it all off with his website being eerily tasteful, even.... gentle, considering it's for a cock pump.

Charley, we may have conjured the horned, hoof-ed and apparently quite casual and friendly  god of the woods himself ( who moonlights as a concerned patron saint of the flaccid).

I've wondered along the way if we should distinguish our individual posts as we go along so that "Bathmate" (again, chills) can tell us apart or is that the reader's work?

In response to your "project manager" interview, what did you do with out a portfolio?..walk in with a good joke, matching socks and a candy wrapper stuck to your butt?

We should post the Mog Mobile development, maybe? Or is that for your other blog?

That would be http://trenchdesign.blogspot.com, everybody.

I must go. So hungry. Need pizza. Feeling faint.

More non-congruent posts to come.

you are famous!

Ruppert!  You got a comment on your posting!  This is huge.  Things are going to really start happening now.  I don't know who Bathmate is but goddamnit if you don't have a fan.  He sells some sort of cock pumps on his website.  They are "Elegant solutions for erectile dysfunction".  I would have to guess that he (maybe she) was doing some kind of market research and discovered pan's peter by mistake.  I knew that was a good name for this blog.

As far as what I showed from my portfolio at my interview goes,  I basically completely stifled any design aspirations.  I brought my portfolio but I hid it in my truck.  Under the seat.  Next to my candy wrapper collection.  My title is Project Manager so I had to present myself as such. I mean, when I am lucky enough to land some design project, I would say that 10% of my time or less is allocated to design.  The rest is spent on fabrication, juggling, scheduling, sourcing, driving around, sweating, mopping, reassuring and generally dealing to make it happen on time and on budget.  It ain't all sniffing markers, my flend.

I am excited to see what you come up with for MOGmobile ideas. Thanks for helping me out.
I gotta hit the hay.
See ya, and congrats on soliciting the first Pan's Peter comment.  Things are really happening.  This train is pulling out of the station baby.

ps: I like those fake skin tattoo things.  They are kind of Cameo-esque.  Something old fashioned about them.

So now that I have gathered my senses after hearing the news of your gainful employment I will submit a proper post. I checked out Lit Workshop's site and am not surprised in the least that they chose you. They love boxes and sneakers, two things that you have demonstrated complete mastery over. I am really curious as to how you presented your portfolio for the interview and what exactly you included. It must have been a very merry Christmas for you to know that a job is waiting in the new year and I suspect it is just the beginning  of  Wheelock-World Wide (once you have devoured them).
I can only hope (and work like the Devil) that something good is coming my way this year. Otherwise, it's getting pretty fucking dark in here.
Above are two of the several synthetic skin tattoos I gave away for Christmas this year. There is nothing more I can learn (technically speaking) from these practice skins. I need blood.
I am glad to report, however, that the little butterfly tattoo posted earlier has apparently healed quite nicely and that all the ink has stayed put. This was not a given because, at the time, the tattoo-ee (Amy) had drank several beers just prior and I was working mostly blind in a puddle of body fluids with tiny shader needles that are, I am told, very easy to overwork, which I did. For two days afterwards she was able to press a piece of paper to the butterfly and get a print off of it! I plan to build my empire off of this little tattoo, somehow, so I was on the edge of my seat about it.
I would love to see some MOG mobile sketches and , again, a Mad Madelaine when you can.
C.

Extended forecast: Hell has frozen over with a %100 chance of flying pigs.

Charley!!! A Job! ...A Job!!
I feel....wierd.

I got a job in the manufacturing sector!

I need to google "Project Manager".  Why?  Because I am going to start being one Jan 4th!  I got a job!  What the hell?  I have been trying to get a job for 5 years!  I just can't believe it.  I have been in a state of euphoria for the past couple of days.  The company, Lit Workshop is a manufacturer with a design department consisting of three or four people.  They do a lot of fixtures and display units for retail environments.  They have some amazing machines.  a water jet cutter, a laser cutter, a 5 axis cnc router, a big finishing booth and a lot more.  I am going to have huge responsibility.  I have to professionalize my ragged ass.
I told them I just committed to the MOGmobile so I am starting there working 6 hr days through Jan, then full time.  Three months of probation and then hopefully, a raise, some bennies and a job!
What should I do?

I want to draw I want to dance I want to puke, I just feel so expressive with the weight of years dropping onto the floor.  What a relief.  I mean, my self confidence has been plummeting for some time now.  It sure does feel good to have someone believe in you.

if you don't title the post, who will?

Christ, Charley, you're a busy man. I am very glad Madelaine's adventure turned out O.K. A very scary moment for a parent that I can only imagine. Your description of her closing her  eyes just before the surgery gave me chills. Then again, who would you rather have administering the anesthetic then Dr. Stoner himself?..Dr.Stoner..that is just too rich. How do you make it to, or even through medical school with a name like that?

I can see from the photograph that you have your work cut out for you to get Madelaine to make an angry face. She obviously finds the whole exercise much too silly. Still, you must prevail for me, other wise my secret project will be in vain. When you try again, please do it out side in an even light. The lighting needs to be similar to the picture of Leo.

So, I read the latest posts on DesignTrench.

Where in the world do you find the time to illustrate and post a recipe!!? I think I'll give those onion grenades a try for Christmas dinner. I suspect the gastro-intestinal fuse on those bad boys is about 45 minutes and then it's all out biological warfare. I pity the fools.

I was pleasantly surprised to see an Erwin Wurm fat car on the blog as well. I think you two were separated at birth. I would post other examples of his work that remind me of you but Google takes all the fun out of that.

You and Jesse must be beside yourselves (which is quite Wurmish, come to think of it) about the DesignSponge home feature. You two have always run a pretty tight ship, it seems, so I hope there isn't  much work to do. I do, however, suspect that you're cooking up some ill-advised prank home accessories to keep the invaders on their toes. A small touch, like a vibrating door knob or perhaps a completely inexplicable apparatus that they are too afraid to ask about. Anyways it's very exciting and I expect my drawing of the cow to figure prominently in the article.

Thanks , too, for the plug in your story about the hilariously mangled job proposal that you gave to the library. I don't think I've ever been quoted on line before except by myself.

And yes, you have, without council, I might add, gone public with Pan'sPeter. And now, with the imminent onslaught of hungry consumers desperate to have a piece of us,  we need to manufacture a clothing/screen print line based on homeless rags from  'free' bin outside the Salvation Army. I'm totally in, as you already know and am presently counting the millions yet to be made.

1...2...3...4....5...6....7.....hhmm, I can't think of any more friends who will buy one for a dollar.

I thought for a moment that Pup-puh-ho could be our star graphic ( he does grace the blog marquee after all), racing across the random  polo or bitchin' plaid trousers we scavenge, but still, a simple skull might still be the answer. The Pup-puh-ho might be a little too...shlafty. An actual Faun could work, after all this is Pan'sPeter but only if he's gnarley enough. No prancing or flute. I will also prepare a new "Fuck the Race" logo for consideration.

Below is my first completed tattoo. I'm terribly pleased with this humble little butterfly. It was an addition to a memorial tattoo by an unknown artist from Alabama that resides on Beth's older sister's leg. "Jayden" is her grandson (Amy was a grandmother at the tender age of 37) who died a newborn from a birth defect where the organs form on the outside of the body. Nice going, God.

Some fairly high stakes for such a rank beginner as myself,  considering not only the sentiment, but also that my effort is adjacent to an obviously seasoned shop pro.

I look forward to hearing about your job interview, the mere fact that you were even able to drum one up  in this economy deserves a celebratory wine stained thumbs up.

C.

do we have to put a title on every post?

Yo Bro,
Sorry about the delay.  I took a couple of pictures of mean Madeleine but couldn't get it just right.   I couldn't get to not ham it up for the picture. Before I had a chance to do another photo shoot, she was struck with appendicitis!  We had to take the poor little thing to the hospital where she was under the knife within hours.  She was a champ.  I was really impressed with her courage.  I will get one when she feels better.
She was well prepped for her hospital visit.  I don't know if you are aware of this book: Madeline (n I can't figure out how to underline the book title, grr) but it is about a little French girl who gets her appendix out.  We know it well over here and I think it gave our Madeleine some strength.  I brought our copy of the book to the hospital and got everyone I could to sign it for her. Even Dr Stoner, the anesthesiologist.  I love this town.



It looks like the blog design*sponge is going to do a feature on our house!  There is a section called sneak peeks where they show the domiciles of designers and artists.  So Jessie and I took a bunch of pictures and sent them off.  The home editor sounded like she was going to do it, so that is exciting.  Last time I was in design*sponge my blog and my website took record hits.  That was from the award winning soapbox car though.  that thing is a slam dunk.  I am a little anxious to see if the design savvy masses will approve of my humble abode.  Design*sponge is pretty big. This link is directly to the sneak peaks section that we are going to be in.
I have been planning on how to handle this little opportunity.  I have set up a a traffic tracking program called Google Analytics to monitor my web site, trenchdesign, the etsy shop and panspeter.  Last week in a long rambling boring blog entry I went public with panspeter.  I am equally excited as I am horrified to see if the design*sponge gets us some visits here, through trenchdesign. I will give you the secret passwords and whatnot if you are interested in seeing the action.
Do me a favor and take a look at my blog post called "Two Ways Prepare Crow" or something.  Is it too verbose?  Is it worthy of visitors or is it too long for someone who doesn't know me?  I wanted to write a lot so I could bury the link to Panspeter as deeply as I could.  Shroud it with text so cryptic and prose so indecipherable that nobody will ever be able to get to that part.  I want to have some fun stuff up there.  And I want to have some more fun stuff up here!  I want more fun stuff everywhere!  So get on it Ruppert.  I am counting on you to shine.  Somebody might see this.
Make a fuck the race shirt, take a picture of it and I will put it on our new etsy site.  It seems like my price point is too high for etsy.  We need to sling some $10-$20 items.  How about it?  We need to do it this week if we want to cash in on the free third hand publicity we might get.  Sounds like a good enough reason to drop everything, right?
Make a shirt, don't even bother with the silk screen yet.  We will open the umbrella when it starts to rain.

I have a big job interview tomorrow so wish me luck.

ps: I really like that Sardinia tattoo.

much love

Mama Mia, Multo Tormento!

So I tattooed Beth's chef from work (Fabio)  today. It took like 4 hours! Actually it was the second 'stab' at it to clean up my feeble first attempt and also add color. I still have to color in the island and that mutant little star that indicates where Fabio was born on the island of Sardinia. This shit is hard to do, man. Of course this is my second tattoo ever so I'm not being too hard on myself. Even so, better him then me.

'Soi Sardu' means 'I am from Sardinia'.

The island shape, cross, and decapitated heads are the actual flag. Fabio wanted the wreath and I came up with the wave like blades. Apparently some uppity arabs (Moors) attempted to take over the island years ago but these crazy waps cut the heads off of four  warlords and posted them on the corners of the island as a warning. This tattoo should do well in Baltimore.

How's the wiener mobile?

Bitter Boy

"I'm not bitter, I'm an artist!
Reminds me of when I was in France and, in response to a french friend calling me out on a cheerful beer fueled rant, I triumphantly exclaimed:
"I'm not drunk, I'm an american!"
So put on a pot of coffee and gather the wife and kids and I will post.
 You know, it's true that adulthood brings on a keener sense for the sour and bitter regions of the papillae.
Before I explain the temporary blunder of actually worrying about my life, however,  I must comment on the troubling amount of hair that you put around the pumpkin hole. A whole new meaning to the term JACK-o- lantern (too easy). They're not supposed to be that terrifying, Charley.. I have my suspicion that it was summarily rejected from the carving contest and so you grabbed it out of your car trunk real quick to snap the photo before security realized you hadn't left.

On second thought, put the kids to bed.
          
Now, back to my demoralized and wanton morass of self pity. I should like to start with a touching, even poignant moment that greeted me this morning, which sort of says it all.

                                

Every morning, my dogs leave me something. Usually it is a bill or other important piece of paper ( I continually forget NOT to leave out) that has been shredded and chewed into bits. This is often the work of my 110 lb Akita boy. He could chew a dining room table into vapor but prefers (thank god) to make  spit balls by working each little tab of paper, say, from a Jury Duty notice, vigorously with his front teeth, until it resembles a grain of rice. He did once chew the top of the couch off along with the blinds of the window behind it, in an effort to gnaw his way to the backyard in order to take a shit. I didn't have the heart to be mad at such a heroic effort to be a "Good Boy".
 My two girls ('dogs', dear future, anonymous reader) like to 'suck' on any socks or 'shoes' they can get a hold of. They have come to understand that to chew a hole in the master's footwear is a very bad thing so they literally steal stuff and sort of, well, suck on it.
The above picture is as appropriatley out of focus as my naked eyes are in the dawn's early light. That is my lunch money (and coincidentally, my life savings) marking the exact spots where there had been a series of small turds. Notice the elegant arcing turn, as the beast attempted to negotiate a table. I would need to return to these spots momentarily with an enzyme solution that could neutralize the imbedded remnants of the offense.
What is my point, anyways? Truly, I've forgotten....o, yeah... by marking it with my lunch money I would be able to deliver the solution to each exact spot and not waste any.
This, my dear friend, is my life.
And yet....but in a single, fleeting romance, I could lose all of my sorrows with that pumpkin of yours.
By the way, is that the same hole for putting the drinks in first?

New Subject:

I dug up the original "Fuck the Race" for your viewing pleasure. This t-shirt is now 20 yrs old. The age I was when I made it. The original, original was a doodle I left on a note on the fridge at Sentry Hill explaining that i had to go away for the weekend to my Aunt's wedding.

I disagree about the image we should use, even though I almost weep with nostalgia at the sight of those two little fellas..
It needs to be simpler, more iconic like I suggested over the phone. I will send you a $138,395,032  idea shortly and then you can post a note telling me I'm wrong.

While I was rooting around in the basement for the shirt, I found another little treasure in an old NYC journal.
I blame him for everything.

Great Idea!

My boy is sick today so I am at home with him.  Work at the winery is ending sometime next week and I am psyched to move on.  Perhaps in this direction:

I think we should open an etsy shop and recall the fuck the race t shirts.  We could lay them up on shirts we get at the good will by the pound.  Green and funky.  Like my toe jam.  The etsy shop (ETSY.com) could be a fun extension of Pan's Peter.  And and any extension of any Peter is a good thing, right?  What say ye?  It is free.
Only hitch is that if orders come in we will have a cross country scramble to make them.  I am thinking just a black line drawing like the original, but each shirt will be different.  Easy, right?  and the way I figure, if it costs us $2.00 per shirt and we sell them for $10 and we sold 34,598,758 shirts, we could stand to make $276,790,064.  That is $138,395,032 each in one year!  I bet you could get Beth to marry you then.  Shit, you could buy your own fire department and be the chief!

Here's my post, on Thursday, which is named after Thor, who I wished I was.

I visited the MOG site that you are supposed to represent with a "tricked out" wiener-like mobile.  The site grabbed my attention for about 10 seconds. If it's not about me or someone I know by pheromone, then I can hardly give a shit anymore. I guess I'm just really, really sick of everything, especially the next generation and the wave of advertising it spawns, I barely survived the machine that stuck it's fangs in the X'ers.... as if I ever bought anything because of an add....As if I ever bought anything at all that wasn't just to go in my mouth.....(I know, I know...what the F is he talkin' about?)
I will say this, though, it looked very well designed, very youthful, and full of more, more, more.

One thing I definitely care about is OUR ever"verging" careers and you have come up with yet another ridiculously fun and daunting sounding project. Too bad it's all going to turn to shit.(shhhh.....I'm using double psychology on the gods )
Your choice of sub-vehicle (the Unimog) may be problematic though, in that, although it appears to be able to drive over several of its's selves in a row,  it also appears to get 3 gallons to the mile and is probably a nightmare to fix (not good for all the commuting it's supposed to do). Now, I know your all Twin Barrelled up and want to kick the world in the head with a giant pair of balls on wheels.
The only icon I can find on their sight is  red Target-looking headphones (there's your "Balls" actually) or that fat little red circle that shows up in the address bar (again, very close to Target's icon).. Make those big red headphones or "Balls"  and slap some wheels on it. Big f'ing Unimog wheels! I don't envy the task actually but I know you'll come up with something.Oh, and $30 grand to do it..?.... and road legal? That just pisses me off.
I've much more to say about everything but I forgot to eat today .
Please visit  The Baker Artist Awards ( again already) and vote for my pauper ass!  Something good has got to give eventually, besides not dying on a daily basis. What the fuck were we given all this talent for anyways? I feel a rant coming on and it really is mostly due to a craving for pizza or a pacifier or a cigarette or the ability to fly.
Below is the link:http://www.bakerartistawards.org/nomination/view/christopher_ruppert/2610
Wise cracks and sundry feedback expected.

where is my Sunday blog entry?

Where is your Sunday blog entry, ya chimpanzee?

I have been trying to line up work for myself when the luxury of completely busting my ass for 70 hours per week at the blinding rate of $13/hr evaporates next week.  I am sending a proposal to a guy who wants a tricked out marketing vehicle for his music/social website called MOG.  I went to UVM with the guy who started the company.  I am very excited about it.  He said he has a budget of 30K.  I am currently trying to grow a quick set of big balls so I can ask him to bump the budget up to 150K.
He wants a vehicle that will be driven by a couple of hotties to college campuses and festivals etc.  He wants it to be as crazy as the Oscar Mayer Weiner car!  I heard he was looking for someone to do this so I contacted him.  He told me that some dudes in Oakland were going to do it.  (they are a S.F. company.)
I emailed him and said those clowns from oakland were going to make him a float.  I'll give him an icon!!!
He called me the next day and said, "Charley, I want an icon."

So this could be fun.  My brains are a twitter.  I have a great crew I can draw from here to get this done.  I hope I get it.  I have to send a proposal of sorts on Monday.
I think it would make sense for us to start with a Mercedes Unimog.  Have you ever seen one of these guys?  They come in all shapes and sizes and I bet I could find one that I could transform into an icon.  Here is a video of one that some rednecks got a hold of:

"Tell my wife I ...glug, glug, glug..."

This video of you is surreal. It is straight out of a deep R.E.M stage. Not to mention it appears to be taking place in an art gallery. I'm riding a wave of wonderment at the utterly perfect and ridiculous vision of it (nice shirt, by the way).
But what if you slip? Surely, you would perish in the murky swag. Perhaps you should be wearing a brighter cap that would stay afloat above your foamy grave to alert a passing sommelier.
When I worked on a vineyard in Italy in the Fall of 1989 I saved a man who was hanging by one hand above a giant vat of grapes (true story). Aldo, the vineyard's owner, was on a cat walk above some monstrous, automated grape crusher and lost his balance. When I heard the screaming I found him losing his grip on a railing 6 feet directly above the giant, diabolocal grinding mechanism. Talk about crushed grapes.
Who knew alcohol was so dangerous!?..and that's without drinking it.

So now I have to get some sort of video recording device to keep up with these posts of yours. What would I film? ......I could have filmed three guys trying to force a 30 ft. chimney liner down a chimney it didn't fit, in the rain and on a slope that would make a mountain goat think twice. It might have looked like some bizarre take on the "Rape of the Sabines"

My mother bought me a pair of skateboarder shoes for my birthday and it's probably why I'm still alive.
Until the next stupid shit, yours truly,
c.

undercover instructional videos

yo bro,
I love that french Pup Puh Ho.  I guess I love all Pup Puh Hos.  There is not much to dislike.  I had managed to transform the image in my demented memory of it.  I really thought he had a retired linebacker type body with a very youthful bound, unteathered by the anchors that hold everyone else down.  Love that guy.  He gives credence to my unfounded optimism.
check me out in the grapes.

Here is another Pup Puh Ho drawn in France, as a matter of fact. He's the only one I can recall who is pointing.  I was attempting to introduce him to Beth at the time. She had heard the phrase but had never met him in person.

Parlez Pup Puh Ho

First of all, the pup puh ho I drew in NYC  was leaner then this one. Where did you get the memory that the pup puh ho was ever ....chubby!?
That one I drew on the granite wall under the bridge in pencil stayed for like three years. Very sad to find it gone, on one of my return visits (they finally pressure washed the wall). The one above, as I may have mentioned along the way, was done in France in 2003, drawn into a slather of ink on a plate of glass and then pressed onto a sheet of rag paper. Yes, he is running in perspective, away into the stars. He looks like a constellation. It just came out that way, that time (one can never be sure). I like the feeling of him having turned towards his mission, balls to the petal. There is something bitter sweet in it. The unholy glee has become earnest, committed. Leaving. The Pup Puh Ho of a 33 yr old.
My favorite is the one I sent to you in a letter sometime in 1998 or 9. He was leaping off of a cliff above a rising flame, suspended by a butterfly tied to his cock. His inner twinkle was blinding, glorious. If you have it (which I half expect you to), please post it.
 Then there is the triple breasted  hermunculous demon Greg signed a few letters with, which I feel was some how the predecessor. Maybe that's what the french Pup Puh Ho was running away from.
Well, my friend, the chimney harvest has begun in earnest and I have just learned that
I need to begin running stairs with a weighted back pack to prepare for the Fire Dept physical...ugh...

Ithaca brings not riches but the journey itself, right?  

puh puh ho

You realize that the guy running up there is not the puh puh ho I remember.  This guy is much leaner.  Even muscular in a Greco Roman wrestler type of way.  He is also running away pretty fast.  The guy you drew on the wall back in Morningside Heights had a much different attitude. Maybe instead of a skull, you should get a chubby, happy-go-lucky, carefree Puh Puh Ho in a twinkle toed leap.

they will eat your brains out.

psss

Maybe 'Armageddon' IS a scrum of frisky spankings under a giant stalk of broccoli..
...that's not so bad, really.

pss

For our legion of future readers: I am not responsible for Monk's tattoo....whew....just to make that clear.